Flush Telemarketers with the TeleCrapper

September 10, 2005

If just hanging up on telemarketers isn’t enough punishment for them, you might want to check out the “TeleCrapper 2000 Telemarketer Interception System“, which turns your computer along with a handful of software and hardware into a system for driving selected callers crazy…

First the TC2K computer (any standard PC) is connected to the phone line via a Caller ID modem or serial Caller ID device. The user creates a setup text file that declares all of the Caller ID strings he considers “annoying” and wants intercepted on the first ring. When a call on the users “hit list” arrives, the computer intercepts the call and picks up the extension. This feature alone is very valuable. It gives the ability to identify legitimate calls anywhere in the house by simply waiting to hear a second ring.

As if that feature wasn’t enough, the TC2K then plays a wave file over the extension for the telemarketer to hear. The user can declare a list of wave files, in a specific order, that he wishes to be played to calls on his “hit list”. The first wave file is played immediately after picking up the extension, the TC2K then waits for the telemarketer to respond, then the TC2K waits for silence (for the telemarketer to finish speaking), then plays the next wave file on the list. The cycle of play wave file, wait for response, wait for silence is repeated for each wave file the user has declared in his setup text file. This way the TC2K can carry on a “virtual” conversation with the telemarketer and the content of that conversation is completely up to the user. All the user needs to do is record his own set of wave files to be played and declare them in a setup file.

Where was this when I used to get all of the telemarketing calls? The downside of this is you can’t buy it, you have to build it yourself, and for me, hanging up seems a lot easier.

Whether they’re real or not (or whether the entire thing is real, for that matter), there are at least some hilarious samples of “actual sessions” — in fact, somebody has put up one of the funniest ones as a flash animation that’s worth checking out whether you care about any of the rest of this noise or not…


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