Tony Bourdain calls out Food TV

February 9, 2007

Not the kind of guy to pass up a guest opportunity on Michael Ruhlman’s blog, Anthony Bourdain takes a swipe at Food TV, and as usual with Tony, if anything is being minced, it ain’t the words.

I knew that he was a Mario Batali fan, but it’s nice to see that he likes Alton Brown, too. He even found a few nice things to say about Bobby Flay, Giada De Laurentiis, and Emeril.

Of course, it’s tough to disguise his utter disdain for the network, its policies, or some of the other so-called chefs…

PAULA DEEN: I’m reluctant to bash what seems to be a nice old lady. Even if her supporting cast is beginning to look like the Hills Have Eyes–and her food a True Buffet of Horrors. A recent Hawaii show was indistinguishable from an early John Waters film. And the food on a par with the last scene of Pink Flamingos. But I’d like to see her mad. Like her look-alike, Divine in the classic, “Female Trouble.“ Paula Deen on a Baltimore Killing Spree would be something to see. Let her get Rachael in a headlock–and it’s all over.

Pink Flamingos? That’s hysterical, albeit a little indirect for Bourdain.

I wonder if there’s room in the vast wasteland of cable for a GOOD food channel? Maybe with Bourdain, Brown and the “salvageables” from the Food Network. Yeah, even Bobby Flay (even if I can’t stand him) — but not Emeril. Bam.

Decoding Ferran AdriaKeep No Reservations around — keep it on the Travel Channel if you like — but give Bourdain another show (hey, Rachael Ray can be on 237 times a week, Bourdain could manage twice a week every now and again) where he does a lot more of the real, serious food journalism that he’s so good at — Decoding Ferran Adria was terrific, even if it was while Tony was still serving time on the Food Network (and FN’s attempt to prevent it some of the reason he left).

For that matter, bring on Gordon Ramsay and an American version of “The F-Word” (or fuck it, let’s run the British version — uncensored). Fox’s rendition of “Hells Kitchen” is cute, but it’s not what he’s good at, and doesn’t show all of the things worth forgiving him for being the biggest Scots-accented asshole with a chef’s knife on the planet.

Imagine the “Holiday Specials” you could do — forget that cutesy Food Network crap, put all of the main stars in the kitchen, Gordon on the pass, and Tony on the sidelines with a cocktail and an ashtray, telling us what’s REALLY going on — imagine just how much fun THAT could be…

For that matter, tell me you wouldn’t love to see Mario and Gordon trying to outshout each other…

Well, we can dream, can’t we?

(via MeFi)

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